Finding my happy place

On the joy of life long memories

29/6/24 10:11

[edit: I wrote this in June but slightly edited it to reflect where I am now, post my 28th birthday]

I recently read a book by Emily Henry called Happy Place. It was my first romance novel for a long time and I was excited to get into it on holiday, and it did not disappoint! The theme mostly follows the lead female who’s recently broken up with her boyfriend of nearly 6 years but has to lie to her friends — no, their friends, who have been with them from the beginning of their relationship — that they’re still together. The (ex)boyfriend agrees and they try to play along for the sake of one last trip in the group of friends’ favorite place, aka her happy place. And the book is her recalling all the memories and variations of her happy place, more about being around her people and less about the actual place itself.

Recently I’ve been thinking about how much life is the sum of the relationships you keep and how wealthy and fulfilled I am by this one singular thing — my relationships. From my family to friends, to work mentors and even acquaintances. I’m in the company of some of the best people I know, and I am glad to be doing life with them.

My life has been very intentionally planned to make me happy, but my happy place has never been a destination or place, it’s always been the people. The people who give me belly laughs, whose company I never want to leave, whose hugs make everything feel ten times better, whose laughter I want to store in a jar and release every time I’m stressed or sad. My happy place — is my life. All the people in it, plus all the things I do, plus all the experiences I get to have. All culminating in my happy place. What a wonderful place to be.

My life is far from perfect. Many days I cry out of frustration to do with some part of my life. But I saw this tweet that is so apt and captures my exact thoughts and feelings even as I celebrate another year around the sun. The second without my mother.



I’m also reminded of the lyrics of one of my favorite songs:

Sunny days, everybody loves them

Tell me, baby, can you stand the rain?

Storms will come

This we know for sure (this we know for sure)

Can you stand the rain?

And another by Maverick City

“I’ve still got joy in chaos, I’ve got peace that makes no sense. So I won’t be going under, I’m not held by my strength…”

This sense of perspective has made my life and my days so much lighter. Yes, sometimes I still sweat the small stuff that I shouldn’t care about. I still cry when things don’t go as planned. But I know for sure that this is part of the human experience and I cannot take the good without the bad.

For so long I wrestled with my happy place — more like fought for it by trying to hide and shield it away from the dangers of life. I wanted so bad to only have good things happen to me. I thought if I could just do the right things — pray to God, go to church, respect and honor my parents, and do what I’m told — life can and will only be good for me. And for a long time, my parents knowingly or unknowingly contributed to this. In love, they protected us from the worst parts of the world. They shielded us from anything that wasn’t good, keeping our innocence until we were quite literally adults. They went above and beyond to ensure our lives were safe and happy. They prioritized happy experiences and memories — travel, birthdays, achievements, new hobbies, new friends — all in a bid to keep us from seeing the big bad world outside. And not at the expense of themselves or their dreams and goals either. They work hard and play harder. And in there was my safety zone.

But what happens when you grow up and leave home? What happens when you have to face the big bad world? The good news is that they were there to still cushion some of the blow. They offered prayers, wisdom, guidance, time, and money. My parents are truly the best people I know and it is a privilege and a blessing to have been raised by them. And still, even though I know they meant well and I’m grateful for their covering, I couldn’t help feeling so shocked when real life happened. My mother’s funeral was the first I had been to. That period was the first time I saw my dad openly cry. Our whole lives got turned upside down and we were all so distraught by the suddenness of it all.

Even though I don’t know how someone could best be prepared to lose a loved one, their parent, I wish in part I would have known to do something different. Maybe it wouldn’t have changed the grieving experience or maybe it would have, who’s to say. But now as I just turned 28 this past weekend, two and a half years into marriage, with whispers of “So when are you having a baby” I’m thinking about the happy place I want to raise my children in.

She’s 28 - grown, wiser, softer, and ready for new beginnings

I’m thinking about the sum of my life experiences so far, the good, bad, and ugly — and being intentional about what I would change. And part of that is figuring out the balance between protecting innocence vs facing reality. The two are not mutually exclusive and of course extremely subject to God’s plan for our lives but to the extent that although God has our destiny it is up to us to live it out— how do we make the most of this life with a deep understanding that this is not our final home? How are you, dearest reader, crafting your life with this knowledge that you will not live forever? That all the things we think we need and want and have cannot go with us when we are reunited with Jesus. Does this scare you or give you hope? Does it allow you to think more carefully about every area of your life and how you move through your decisions?

I’m deeply reflective entering this next half year. I’m laser-focused on what’s truly important and how to do as little of what’s not important. To be human is to make mistakes, have shortcomings, fall, and get back up, but our lives are not simply measured by the quantity of our time but by the quality of it. What is the quality of your life? Where do you need to make changes?

As we ground ourselves into this mid-year, partly (maybe?) overwhelmed by how fast life is moving and how quickly the days are going, I encourage you to find and lean into your happy place. It’s one of those cliche things people say all the time but it is true — do more of what you love. Find a way to build your life around it. Don’t do life passively accepting whatever comes your way. Relationships. Friendships. Your job or business. Finances. Your spiritual life. Your rest. Hobbies. Experiences. Treat the priority of these things urgently. Your life doesn’t turn out good just because— you have to make it so. With God, I truly believe everything is possible and I am always with the belief that the best is yet to come. Bad things have happened to me the worst of them all happened, yet I am still here. God MUST be up to something, and it must be good, surely. If it didn’t kill me, I must be better for it — whether I like the process or not.

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My career or job is not my happy place because that will change so I cannot be welded to one path of what I do for work. And my personality type means that no one-size career fits everything I am or want to do or am interested in. But what for me is important is understanding time and seasons. What’s important is what I’m learning in the workplace. How to lead. How to make mistakes and take accountability. How to do what you say you’ll do even when no one is watching. How to work with difficult people. How to disagree about something but still commit to doing it. How to say what you mean without being mean.

And so much more.

This is the process of life and work, especially in my twenties. And I’m here for it! I think life becomes a lot more enjoyable when you appreciate the process no matter how tough it is. You know that you are growing and learning and developing. It can be sucky and annoying and painful in the middle of it all, but be excited about your life all the same. Never belittle where you’re at or resent the process. Always remember that the best life is what you make out of it not what you’re given.

I’m excited for the next iteration of myself as my life continues to progress.

This is my resolve and my desire. To continually live in this happy place called my life, knowing that storms will come, but that shouldn’t waver my faith. Knowing that the best things in life are not things at all but people. Knowing that I love to travel and will take any and every opportunity to (more to come on my incredible Euro/World Summer 2024!). Knowing that money is extremely important in this journey of life and God made it my business to get good at it and teach people how. Knowing that bad days don’t make a bad life. Knowing that I am not a tree and I can always move my life around. Knowing how I love and want to be loved. Knowing the quality of life I want God to be proud of. This is my desire. You too?