Unspoken rules of life: Regrets and fears

A series of thoughts, words and quotes, from me, to me, to you.

Sometimes doing the right thing will hurt. It will get ugly before it gets good. And you have to be OK with that. You will have to have compassion for yourself because you too deserve grace. Being honest isn’t always the easiest thing especially when it hurts the people we love. Sometimes you will have to choose yourself and doing so will hurt people. Other times you will have to choose others and put yourself second. It may make you uncomfortable and question yourself but you will realise why one of the best advice in life is to “first put your own oxygen mask, before you do another’s.”

When you are about to make a big decision in life, you are likely faced with two choices: do I do this and conquer the fear of not doing it, or is the fear big enough that I will likely regret it?

Of course you will have your reasons for choosing either option. Sometimes we are driven by fear. Other times by other emotions and things going on around us. But almost always, we will do what we think is best based on the thoughts, feelings and situation leading up to it.

You can be sorry about something and not regret it. You can have regrets without feeling sorry for yourself.

You cannot change the past and you cannot control the future. All you can do is make intentional present day decisions that will influence your future. Sometimes the things that scare you the most will happen. And you will cry your eyes out. But the next day, you will stop crying and figure out your next game plan. Fortunately or not that is how life works. Life doesn’t give you things, you take things, and you have to decide who you will be in each instance.

“When you’re given an opportunity to change your life, be ready to do whatever it takes to make it happen.” Gods timing on your life long dreams might be closer than you think, so be ready for what you’ve been praying for.

You will not always have the answers to life’s burning questions. And it will be difficult to sleep if you think about it too often. But soon enough you will realise that we are all here for our own unique purpose with our unique timelines and when our time is up, purpose fulfilled or not, God will call us home. The questions you will ask once you know this becomes less so burning questions because you know that time is not to be wasted on things that will yield no return. Instead your focus will be on what you’re here for and how to navigate it each day. Who have you been called to serve? When should you move on? How will you spend your time fulfilling purpose? Angry as I am / was / will be losing my mum at 26, I cannot be angry enough to stop God’s plan. I am still here for a reason and she is not here for another reason.

‘Don’t go back and settle for less because you lack the patience to wait for what’s better’.

It’s important that you have a good control of yourself. You cannot let the wind carry you through every feeling or thought. You will have to take your thoughts into your own hands, and make them what you want it to be. It’s no surprise that in life we go towards the direction of our thoughts. If you’re sad and create room for sad thoughts, that feeling will often continue until you change it. Gratitude breeds gratitude. Of course it’s easier to hang on to intense and heavy feelings, but I am learning that feelings are like waves but you have to choose to let them go, rather than hold on to them and see where it’ll take you. Sometimes sadness can breed room for anger. And sorrow can turn into deep anguish. Sometimes your joy might cause you feel guilt, or your anxiety might usher in loneliness. You have to be willing to take control of the feelings, whilst still tuning in to feel them fully.

‘Mistreating people then avoiding communication is not protecting your peace, it’s avoiding accountability.’

In a world full of opinions and think pieces every second, it’s important to distinguish your voice above he noise. Know what you think for yourself without external influences. The older I get, the more I realise that it’s not necessary to share or react to everything I see or notice. Because my thoughts aren’t seen or heard doesn’t mean I don’t have a voice, and it doesn’t mean that voice is any less valid.

Be content with the life you have, and do not let comparison rob you of it. How would you feel about your life if you didn’t have anyone else’s to compare it to? Social media is a tool for inspiration, aspiration, laughter, connection, and so much more. But it can also feel condescending, or mean, or solely for comparison. Question whatever emotion you feel while scrolling - is it jealousy or is it that you wish you worked as hard as the person who’s living your so-called dream life? Is it that you wish you had money, or are you just not making wise money decisions?

Friendships require grace and understanding, but it is only the one who is willing to come on the journey of life with you that will offer both.

Are you angry because things didn’t work out, or because of what you think people will say or treat you about the thing that didn’t work out?

Find friends who can stay kind even during disagreements. I can be angry with you, and still show love. But once you start slandering and questioning someone’s character over an argument, you might need to step back and rethink how much you value that relationship. Friendships can be tough, but it’s better when there is mutual respect and accountability. Relationships aren’t supposed to be easy, they’re supposed to be fulfilling. If you find yourself constantly on a different page to your friend, maybe it’s time to sit back and assess the direction you’re both headed and if you both are still aligned on the destination. It’s okay to love someone and let them go, but it’s also okay to decide that something that deep is worth fighting for. But when all is said and done, more should have been done than said.

Letting things be takes a deep level of trust in God and in the plans He has for you. You miss your train? Let it be, you don’t know what He might have protected you from. Someone you love fell out with you? Let it be, maybe this chapter of your life is closing for a new bigger adventure. You didn’t get the job you desperately wanted? Let it be, the one you will get will desperately want you back. You didn’t do all you could have done today? Let it be, life is more than ticking off your to-do list.

Work hard, but believe that it is God who gives the increase, and He will water the seeds you’ve planted at the right time. The question is - what are you seeds and where have you planted them?

Unlearn that you always have to be busy for life to have meaning. Sometimes when you work less, God will work more. Your life has meaning as it is - without everything else that gets it filled up.

Enjoy your life by being present for the people you love truly. For this, there is no pressure to be anyone else but your true authentic self. It is where you seen fully, loved deeply, and held tightly. Prioritise these moments, do not isolate yourself from the feelings of being loved on and celebrated. It is a joy to be alive, and not everyone has the privilege of experiencing life like that. Do not take it for granted.

Life is short is not an excuse to be reckless. Life is short is an opportunity for you to experience it fully everyday, give it your best shot, and be ready to give account of how you spent your days whenever that day comes. Your life is time. Who are you spending it with and on?

Say I love you, and mean it.

[If any of these resonated with you, comment below which one - share it, tag me & send an encouraging one to a friend]

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